The other nite I went to a great art opening of my old pal Shayne Ehman. I miss that guy, so good to see him, a pure soul who doesn't get hung up like I sometimes do on 'making it', naw, he makes it- great art, that is. I hope that while he's here we can do some collabs again.
Anyways, there I was at the opening hanging out with another pal who was feeling social anxiety. Openings at the best of times can do that. Back in Vancouver what I found most artful about art openings was the trajectory of eyes criss-crossing tha room trying to avoid all contact. I was once at a party with a friend who had social anxiety and so I called out, "Who's socially anxious?" and numerous hands shot up. It's a common thing.
I get it, too. People can think that I am so comfy and outward but, I get it. "If I just keep smiling and talk loudly no one will know that my heart is palpatating."
And at this opening I was chuckling to myself, see, this one socially anxious pal, we had some mended fences, for a long time if we saw each other out and about we'd both get socially anxious cuz we weren't talking. But time and maturity and a real implemented obligation for me to keep my side of the street clean solved that and we are quite comfortable.
I was really chuckling to myself because behind this pal at the opening was someone not wanting to talk to me and making me...yup, you got it...socially anxious. I said hi to that person and it was awkward and brief. It was a someone who a few weeks ago gave me nasty mixed signals and I called that person on those signals and was angry via e mail and that was that. See, if someone does screwy stuff to me I call them on it and then do my best not to have it in my life. I don't need drama. "I'm too old for this shit!" Heh heh, but young-ish! I get all cock-eyed at people who say life is a game. Are they going to trivialise life that much? Game over!
In my attempts to not have drama in my life and to call people on their bullshit in a reasonable manner, I still risk new social awkwardness which equals drama. I kinda forgot about that. Haven't really had that in a while as I am on a new path that is trying to be more positive and tries to judge others less. Yet when I see something that is a bunch of phony baloney I call do my best to call it. I'd want others to call me on my bullshit so that I can be a better person. Hmm, how to deal?