Canned Couver X Massing?

My Canned Hamm offer made the Vancouver free weekly The Georgia Straight:

Will it happen? I dunno. It's not like we're asking for much, it's not a big cash making proposition, we're worth it, we're a steal for any venue.
What constitutes venue? Well, maybe the numerous big screen TVs aren't bringing in the crowds at your quaint ersatz-Brit pub: we'll change that for one nite only, maybe the Recession has hit your Company X Mas party this X mas: we'll take your minds off it, maybe you've hit your own emotional recession: we'll play your basement (ceilings must be taller than Big Hamm), maybe your school X Mas concert ain't gonna happen cuz the kids don't wanna do it: we'll do it! Whatever!
We've long been D.Y.I. so this is how we have to put it out there (potential managers, call us).
We put on a non-stop entaining show that opens with Christmas morning and ends with a candy cane battle and is full of our own catchy numbers and surprise guests! I miss playing with Big Hamm. It'd be nice to see Vancouver again and have sushi and swimming (I can't swim) in its' mountains.
I know The Couve needs this...but does it want it?
Realistically speaking, I'll most likely be staying in Toronto this X Mas, thank Gawd my pal Angela is inviting me over to hang out with pals as this is an X Mas where I have no girlfriend (aaaargh) and family is far away, these kinds of things make me understand why some people hate X Mas and not just in a Gremlins-style family accident way either. I love Christmas but, let's face it, Christmas can be hard.

Like all the "bitches" (quaint outdated colloquialism) out there I have been watching the popular television program Mad Men, specifically Season Two and, apart from the fitted outfits, it really is an exercise in anti-nostalgia. It makes me glad to be in the time I am in for numerous reasons that I will go into now....naw, I won't. Goodbye.