BREAK THROUGHS

I have completed a few more pages on my Love and Loss book, phewwww.
I received an upset e mail about my "FOR THE LADIES" art show call-out (see: previous post) stating that calling women ladies is condescending. I wrote back stating that I'd been misconstrued, that I am asking for anyone of any gender that identifies as a lady to respond. Hopefully that cleared that up, but I really have to admit, sometimes I wonder if this is a stupid idea and am doing some 'straight(ish) white(ish) male(ish)' fumbling and stumbling. I wonder if there are any men at LadyFest? I'm such a second guesser. And, yes, if it does rub you wrong the way, feel free to express that: I want to keep it an open platform. Althoooooo..... I thought I had a wide variety of responses until I realised I have nothing from non-female ladies! Anyone who is or knows of anyone that identifies as a lady and is non-female or was born non-female? Please please please contact me! Somewhat serious responsees only please.
On to topic at hand. I made a personal break-through this weekend. Hmm, have I taken my post-relationship blog post from a few days ago down yet? I think I will now. It's tooooo revealing, maybe tooo vulnerable...there! It's down! Anyways, back to my breakthroughs, even if I had done everything 'just so' and did not have my character defects, the relationship would have still ended the same way, no matter what. So I have to stop beating myself up and feeling serious remorse over the part I played. I still have personal work to do, of course, I'm not doing it for a finished relationship. And this personal work is never ending! Wish me luck, it gets scary.
I read two things this week which got me thinking. I've started reading The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen, a great piece of fiction so far. In it, one main character is writing an awful misogynistic screenplay that's basically angry and vindictive towards women that he feels messed up his life (ie. a college sex scandal). The book is quite uproarious- tho verrrry dark- in its' truths. I also read a newspaper interview with someone who wrote an angry non-fiction book called "I hate Your Band" or "I Won't See Your Band" or something. The writer had given up on dating arty/musician guys who (pigeonhole alert)wear vintage frames (ouch, wish I had perfect vision), ride bikes (ouch), play in bands that she doesn't want to sit through (mmmmaybe ha ha), etcetera etcetera...The whole interview read as a verrrrry bitter thing that may have been better served with professional therapy.
(Gawd, I wish I could afford therapy)
Those two examples made me realise that for my book (which is on Love and Loss)and for all of my art, I best steer clear of the personal vindictive as it is an unhealthy way to reach people. Certainly anger and bitterness are stages that will need to be explored in a book on Love and Loss, but it has to be worn well and with class intact. I had been guilty in the past of being personally angry in my art and I can certainly say from experience, that it never looks good.
Luckily, I don't feel that angry. Grumpy, yes.
I also found an amazing book on grieving at a church rummage sale. It has great layout and ideas. Should I post some pages? Let me know.

FOR THE LADIES

Hello. If you identify as a lady (no matter what your gender or if you gender) then I may just need your kind assistance and suggestions: "What would you, as a lady, like to see depicted in my art (or, more simply, art in general)?" I am open to responses but really do need to hear from non-female born ladies as well as I have not had any responses from them yet.

I have an art show in August at IndexG which I am entitling "For The Ladies." These will be approximately a dozen works on paper using pen and ink and water colours. I've been pretty deeply affected by the early 70s glam revival of art deco and will most likely be using that palette, ie. soft pinks and yellows and such (someone was asking me how soft pinks, et al, identify with ladies...er, that's just colours I like right now, nothing to do with topic at hand, just like how it'll be pen and ink, just a b/g of what I am doing).

Though, visually my imagery will be dwelling more in the realms of ambiguity, I still have to ask, "What would you, as a lady, like to see depicted in my art (or art in general)?"

The subjects that I am portraying-ie.the work itself- is what will be most important and that's why I've asked for advice and dialogue, but I am not actively pursuing confrontation. Admittedly, once one gets into gender issues, it gets thorny. Is gender dying? I am straightish whiteish maleish, there's no getting around that but I am asking for responses from anyone who identifies as a lady, I do this without any form of posturing of machismo. I have a personal dissatisfaction with some elements of masculine culture. See, I do not readily identify with certain masculine tropes- are we binary? Can one dwell in the grey areas between feminine and masculine tropes?
I have had some ask me why the name "For The Ladies"? I simply can't call it "For The Women" for several reasons. I really believe that elements of masculine and feminine dwell in all of us, I want to be inclusive. If I called it "For the Women" I also believe it would be more suspect. If I saw a guy give a show that title I would really call his motives into question, I'd be wondering, "What's his angle?" And also, the show has a playful tone, my work is playful.
If you are shy or somewhat private, feel free to drop me a line instead with your suggestions.
Oh, and if you have an articulate opinion on this concept or think the concept needs further clarification, feel free to contact.
Feel free to forward and anyone who identifies as a lady.

ROCTOBER REVIEWS

Numerous comic reviews that I've written are now up at the legendary Roctober Magazine's blog:
http://roctoberreviews.blogspot.com/2010_04_01_archive.html

They will be printed in the next issue of the magazine as well. For those not in the know, Roctober is a scrappy and fun music enthusiast mag from out of Chicago, a city that is very steeped in music and Roctober goes all over the musical map with a love of eccentricity! Lately they have expanded their focus to include more comics! Yay! Which means that I have been writing plenty of comics reviews for their last few issues. I really want you to click the above link as some of these comics really deserve to be known, there's some wild ones!

STILL MORE NELLIE NO-DATE

Remember what I said last post about Spring? I lied. No. Hold that. I didn't lie. The weather did. Grrrrrrey (to be read with rolled r's). I know because I have been with the people on the streetcar. I can read their moods. I don't want to be with them. I want to be free.
In terms of pure sociological need, I found another episode of Nellie No Date by Ogden Whitney and Shane O'Shea. This one appeared in Herbie issue number 8, as well I've thrown in the never reprinted letters column. Enjoy your Friday nite!



PHOTOGENIC NEURASTHENIA



Hmmm, maybe I'm not depressed. Or, if I am, maybe I know how to better handle it, more experience, an upgrade in coping skills. Hmmm.
Hmmm.
Last week I saw Gary Panter do a free lecture and it was sooo empowering! Really! This guy has been a hero of mine for many years and he didn't disappoint. In terms of being a person that works in various mediums and having people ask, "What's your focus?", he totally validated it, cuz it's all art!He said that he'd never designed sets before he designed the sets for PeeWee's Playhouse but he went at it with an artist's gusto. He also told us that beating ourselves up for not getting work done is unhealthy, we should call it 'recharging our batteries'. I beat myself up all the time for not getting stuff done. But resting is important. One fella at the end asked how Panter 'made it' as he's an artist, too, and has to work 40 hours a week. Panter basically said that it's all an illusion. And I believe that he said something along the lines of how fame does not equal money. Well, I understand that, I have a mountain of press clippings that do not translate into sales.
I wish I was taking notes as Panter did a survey of art that featured artists I've never heard of! He also described his upbringing and gave us some technical tips! What a lecture! More than a few people in attendance wanted to go home and draw after that!
I want to draw more but time....no time...can't beat myself up.
My pal Serena recently sent me an old drawing that I did with Jason for The Blinding Light Mag. She recently used it in a class oral report on 'photogenic neurasthenia.'Uh, I don't know what that means, either. Oh. You do? Okay.
The Blinding Light, for a bunch years in the late 90s or so to the 2000s, was a neat lil place in Vancouver that played some risky experimental film and had a cafe! I miss it. When it closed much more than a few people were sad as it really left a hole in The Couve. This drawing was for their mag. They called me Rob right on the page. Why, I don't know. I hated that. I don't steal, I give.

INCREASED DISTRIBUTION: WHO WILL BUY


I haven't had too many comments of late, maybe I'm just not reaching the people, I dunno. Or am I just not provocative enough? Sigh. Should I undo another button? Again? I even lost a blog follower, who it was, I don't know but I lost one! In the blog world one follower counts for the opinions of two people!
So in the meantime I will recklessly self-promote in hopes that it will lower the tides of a very real depression (what else is new)...
My series of self-help booklets Y2K Compatible are slowly reaching the people. These booklets are intimate and VERY reasonably priced for the knowledge that they impart.

Now available in Bruno, Saskatchewan at All Citizens:
http://www.allcitizens.org/

In New York City at Cinders:
www.cindersgallery.com

In Toronto at Katharine Mulherin gallery:
http://www.katharinemulherin.com/

And at This Ain't The Rosedale Library:
http://www.thisaint.ca/

And just arrived at Art Metropole which is also selling the July Fourth Toilet vinyl LP, nicely written links here, here, and here!

The latest issue, #4/5, is the best issue and some places have previous issues but not that one, such as Le Pressier in Montreal, Luckys in Vancouver, and TO mail-order site Mish Mish...

I'd luv em to have the current ish but hey... If you want the current ish, even better. Drop me a line.

VANCOUVER ART EXODUS ONLINE LINK

My Feature for Broken Pencil #45 now online here:

http://www.brokenpencil.com/view.php?id=3480

Agree or disagree, I'm fine either way, have a little tizzy if you like, use regional weapons of choice, a slice of 99 cent pizza if need be. I'll watch and maybe grab the crust when you are done.
There are things I am missing about Vancouver. My dear friends that remain, of course, the amazing food: I can't find a panini as good as at La Grotta, noodles as good as at Legendary Noodle, sushi sushi sushi (one good thing about TO is they have Health Board signs posted in all of the restaurant windows, many of their sushi spots say "Conditional Pass" uh oh, sushi with a condition- a condition of the heart?), and amazing coffee especially at Continental Coffee.
I thought that TO might've been slow on trends- even in some art scenes as I've seen art that had some silly faux witchy obsessions with feathers, wood, and crystals all twined together in some post-teen ritual and Royal Art Lodge rip-off knock-offs (here's an idea, give those actual former and present Art Lodgers some money, they need it more)and also blurry party pics of naked girls stumbling around with tattooed bearded guys (man, I thought that look went out in 1996)puking into each others' mouths. However I saw a recent show of Vancouver-based art that showed all of those exact same things.
Toronto is a nice looking city but I find it, err, sexually Conservative. Not as in elected officials but vibe, overall vibe, all pants are zipped to the neck (a new fashion style I cannot literally get into).
My Vancouver pals tell me things are pretty quiet there. I thought the world was watching! I won't be going back soon. But, yeah, there are things I miss. Hope you enjoy the article.

HIGHS, MIDS, LOWS

Note: if you want a Button Manifesto for your very own, as seen in the previous post, they are available for 100 dollars, each one is hand lettered and if you have certain requests let me know.
This has been a week of highs, lows, and mids. Highs: I spent a couple days working on a Gonzales project with Feist (a sweety, in the downtime we sang "9 To 5" together, have you seen "9 To 5" lately? man, that movie has the most amazing design sense in terms of colour, matching and complementing down to the furthest depth-of-field), Peaches, The World Provider, Tiga, Corpusse and other swell people! It was fun and I wish that Big Hamm was there to share in it. Lows: I was seriously going to move back to Vancouver for love. Said offer (being my last ditch effort) was rejected. Instead I had to listen to my character defects which I already know about and have been working on improving (a rather long and frustrating process). Yeah, I'm self-absorbed (duh: I even have a blog that discusses my own-not other people's-personal details) and I really hate that about myself (maybe I should erase this blog). I could have rebutted but what's the use? It doesn't matter anymore, all idealised thoughts fall to the wayside, it's total kaputs and in the past, I've moved forward and am letting go, this is for the best, I feel crummy. I'm a raw nerve and don't want to live inside myself. Unless I somehow get a free flight I won't be visiting Vancouver anytime soon. Too painful. Sorry Vancouver pals, I miss you and your company and your good food and coffee, too. The mids: after all that, back to the day job.
The latest issue of FREE DRAWINGS just came out. Where is it available? Around Toronto, elsewhere, I dunno. Good ole Jason Mclean, Michael Deforge, Michael Comau, and Seripop have art in here. I did a cover. Take a gander below. I'm unsure about it. I don't know if the piece totally congeals. Thematically it deals with my obsessive interests in all things glitter and glamour as well as trying to make the sexuality hazy, indeterminate, and covert. For this illo I was influenced by a photospread from one of the earliest issues of Oui Magazine, one of the best soft-core porn mags of its' day. In terms of the second hand art deco look in the early 70s I also dig the classic Biba store, records with soft focus then hand tinted band shots, and those overly lush Italian films where they have to deal with fascism: Salo, The Damned, and The Conformist. Damn, those are gorgeously decadent and cutting films.

BUTTON MANIFESTO

Made for IndexG button art show, purchased by Anne Koyama for artist Fiona Smyth. One inch button that's app. 3-4 feet long. Click on image for further legibility.

My Favourites Thursday, March 5th


Folks, I was a planner on this event and will be performing:

a few of...
My Favourites
...and soon to be yours
An ivory evening of silly-sophisto comedy with Chris Locke, Jon McCurley, and Robert Dayton

Thursday, March 5th, 9 PM, 5 Dollars
Double Double Land (209 Augusta Avenue)

Yes, my dears, with My Favourites we're breaking through the upper crust by diving delicately and forcefully into the funny bone.

With elegant hosting by Carly Ogonek.
We'd love it if you dressed pretty for us because we're serving hors d’oeuvres as prepared by chef Alex Napier. It's always a good year!
Will there be live organ music? Yes, there will be live organ music. The kind that tinkles as performed by Carl Didur.
And sophistication by Gwen Bieniara.
If you are the very first special person to arrive at MY FAVOURITES you will receive one long-stem red rose and preferred seating of your choice (doors: 8:30 PM).
You may have heard of Chris Locke, Jon McCurley, and Robert Dayton and all of their philanthropic endeavours involving laughter. It's true. Everything is true. But the only thing that will hurt will be your sides. Your best sides, that is. Show it to us. Mmmm. You smell good. Is it natural? Smell you at MY FAVOURITES. Looking forward.

COMEDY! HOSTESS! ORGAN! HORS D’OEUVRES! RED ROSE! YOU LOOK PRETTY!

YET MORE NELLIE NO-DATE

Can we stretch this one-page premise into a two-pager? Is Toronto the Nellie No-Date of cities? Yes and yes!
This and a letter column is the last of what I've got of excess never-reprinted Herbie materials, from Herbie #5, 1964, by Ogden Whitney and Shane O'Shea (yup, a pseudonym).



MORE NELLIE NO-DATE

What are you doing this Friday? Coffee?






(from Herbie #4, 1964 by Ogden Whitney and Shayne O'Shea)

Here's some Herbie letters pages as well.

Poor Nellie, even aliens who've never before laid eyes on human beings don't find her attractive but why would they? They are aliens!.

But, in a certain light, she's kind of...cute. It might simply be a confidence issue.

NELLIE NO DATE

Hi folks, here's some bits from Herbie #3 that- to my knowledge-have never before been reprinted. For shame! I've elaborated earlier on my total love for Herbie. If you get a chance to read the full length Herbie adventures, do it! It's a must! Cheapo comic and expensive book reprints abound.

I showed these to a gal recently who was pleasantly shocked that such a thing was made. Yes! I know! It's real! It's a real comic book! The best thing about the Herbie letter columns is that Herbie would answer the letters himself! Which means that not only does the Herbie comic exist in our reality but Herbie does, too! "Editor wanted to run this Department with a lot of fancy talk. Had to bop him and take over." Have you ever read a better letter column? Why, it's up there with Abel Ferrera's commentary track for The Driller Killer DVD.

And then there's writer Shayne O'Shea and artist Ogden Whitney's never-talked-about character Nellie No-Date: one note? One page. More sad than funny. She's lonely? Get it? Ha ha ha! Lonely! Are you lonely? Really? Ha ha ha! That's funny! Everyone's lonely! It's so funny! Let's update her for a present day comic adventure where she goes online dating and gets set up with -are you ready for this final panel- a computer! And the computer says- still with me?- , "Does not compute...does not compute." Nellie's left with her hand on her face saying, "Oh dear." Ha ha ha!
Now you might remember Miracle Pictures from that Kitchy Witch adventure I posted from Herbie #2. Well, those Miracle Pictures guys are pricks, they hate women- boycott their movies, picket their studios- actually, Kitchy Witch and her gang did just that but it didn't seem to work, if you have any better ideas, leave a comment, lately I have mentioned to many folks that women seem under-represented in the arts, if you have a solution for that, please comment, I did the whole PC gender studies art school trip in the 90s and I thought things'd be kinda evened out by now-Hello? Gorilla Girls?-but I am totally wrong. What I'm trying to say is that I totally hate Miracle Studios and what they represent!



SINUSES


Fucking sinuses. Head fucking hurts. Can't think straight. Fucking sinus pain. Tried sleeping but neighbour was talking. Head compromises my ability to convey but I'll do my best. Fuck!

I had sinus operation a coupla years or so like three ago. Weird asshole doc didn't tell me nothing. No bedside manner, uncommunicative prick. I thought I'd waltz in and out of there, all la di da-like. He drilled into my skull. Dazed. Deviated septum which is the excuse the Hollywood people use but this was real, nose bent out of shape from being pushed down by the redheaded girl when I was 7 y.o., I called her a cockroach, pushed me down to the ground, I lay in a puddle of my own little boy blood, she felt bad later probably, when she was 13 she got pregnant, 13 man, couldn't have had an easy life, whatever happened to her?, I was 7 in the hospital with my nose broken and I pulled out the long pile of thread which couldn't have helped my later sinus problems, later I'd pick at my nose a lot and it'd bleed, a mattress that looked like alien maps, my Mom would take me to get my nose cauderised (sic) to resolve the issue. They'd burn at the nostrils, close em up deep inside.

This more recent sinus operation with Doctor Prick? Piece of cake, right? My Mother was praying. My close pals Hamm and Mrs. Hamm picked me up from hospital ensured I'd be okay. Dazed. Then that woman I love, she's the ex now, she saw me in pain, that sweet redhead. Dripping sinus pain on her after operation and we'd only recently met then, test of a woman. Couldn't do nothing. But it helped the pain, her, the operation, I was no longer suicidal. My sinus pain used to get so bad that the physical pressure caused mental pressure: it was all LITERALLY in my head and I couldn't escape! The world looked worse to me, everything was worse than it was, dingy, ugly, listless, no use living when I had that pain or when I had those infections but after the operation everything mellowed. I still get pain.

Allergy shots, they help a bit over the long term apparently. So says the specialist who is special. The shots will help sinuses adjust to environmental changes. Sinuses are pockets of air in the skull that can be sensitive to pressure. The cold can be nasty on my sinuses. I first suspected barometric sensitivity ten years ago when I briefly dated a woman, not a redhead, who took me hitchhiking then took me plain ole vanilla hiking four hours up a mountain. We fucked at the top of the mountain. The top of the mountain! But I was listless. Why? Change in air pressure affecting sinuses caused me to be that way. I found it rather peculiar feeling like this, being at the top should be exhilirating! Alas, air pressure defeated me.

I'm in some pain now, not like before tho. Put all projects on hold. I hope it goes away soon as it hinders life enjoyment and being totally mortal I must squeeze as much fullness as possible out of life.




Hamm took this pic after my operation, I had three feet of gauze up each nostril.

OPEN LETTER

Hey everybody, I took the liberty of adding your name in a letter, hope that's okay.


Dear Mother Earth,

I'm sorry I raped you.

Signed,

Humanity

DEMO REEL AND LIVE STAND-UP VIDDY

Hi sweety-pies!
Two vids today on the promo-front, promo-back, and sides all over.
First, it's my Demo Reel for acting all acting-like but so naturally that it doesn't look like acting, it's just being! Represented by Liz Hampton at 2SG in Toronto and Jason Ainslie at Principals Talent in Vancouver. Reel made by filmmaker Heather Trawick who is wonderful and did a bang-up job as we looked at what those demo reel pros were doing and stayed away from the cheez (Outkast soundtracks, skipping records, swirling graphics)- she knoooows what she's doing, the proof is in the pudding. Let me show you why I should be some random guy in your 'project'! Yay!
Secundly, here's me performing stand-up at at Nick Flanagan's Joke Club at the Comedy Bar in February, 2010. As filmed by Craig Irving. It's interesting this bit. It was meant to be 'light' and 'conversational' until I realised that I can't see the audience one iota! It was harder to make contact, to act and react with my friends, the unknown people. Totally dark from the stage so my routine took them to darker and gradually angrier places then back again....


SOCIAL ANXIETY

The other nite I went to a great art opening of my old pal Shayne Ehman. I miss that guy, so good to see him, a pure soul who doesn't get hung up like I sometimes do on 'making it', naw, he makes it- great art, that is. I hope that while he's here we can do some collabs again.
Anyways, there I was at the opening hanging out with another pal who was feeling social anxiety. Openings at the best of times can do that. Back in Vancouver what I found most artful about art openings was the trajectory of eyes criss-crossing tha room trying to avoid all contact. I was once at a party with a friend who had social anxiety and so I called out, "Who's socially anxious?" and numerous hands shot up. It's a common thing.
I get it, too. People can think that I am so comfy and outward but, I get it. "If I just keep smiling and talk loudly no one will know that my heart is palpatating."
And at this opening I was chuckling to myself, see, this one socially anxious pal, we had some mended fences, for a long time if we saw each other out and about we'd both get socially anxious cuz we weren't talking. But time and maturity and a real implemented obligation for me to keep my side of the street clean solved that and we are quite comfortable.
I was really chuckling to myself because behind this pal at the opening was someone not wanting to talk to me and making me...yup, you got it...socially anxious. I said hi to that person and it was awkward and brief. It was a someone who a few weeks ago gave me nasty mixed signals and I called that person on those signals and was angry via e mail and that was that. See, if someone does screwy stuff to me I call them on it and then do my best not to have it in my life. I don't need drama. "I'm too old for this shit!" Heh heh, but young-ish! I get all cock-eyed at people who say life is a game. Are they going to trivialise life that much? Game over!
In my attempts to not have drama in my life and to call people on their bullshit in a reasonable manner, I still risk new social awkwardness which equals drama. I kinda forgot about that. Haven't really had that in a while as I am on a new path that is trying to be more positive and tries to judge others less. Yet when I see something that is a bunch of phony baloney I call do my best to call it. I'd want others to call me on my bullshit so that I can be a better person. Hmm, how to deal?